Yep it's that time of year again! The time when I nearly kill every brain cell just to tell a story! This year, I'm REWRITING! Yes, I'm doing Hybrid again! The story I've been working on since 2014! I'm stealing some parts of all the old characters, and maybe a few plot points, but I'm renovating the rest! It'll be completely new, and I'm so excited! Right now I'm scrambling to finish outlining before midnight, and I'm a little tired (a lot tired), but man I forgot how awesome these characters are. I'm falling in love with them all over again.
For those of you who actually read my blog (what was it, two people?), is there anything in particular you want to know about the story? Characters, backgrounds, cultures, anything. Except the actual plot. That's a secret.
I'm super excited, guys! SUPER excited! I can't wait to get started!
Tuesday, October 31, 2017
Tuesday, October 24, 2017
College with Anxiety
I'm fairly sure that by now it's general knowledge that I have anxiety and panic attacks. Maybe for those of you who knew me in high school, it was a little more obvious, but I'll tell you what: it got a lot worse in college.
For the past three or four weeks, I haven't been able to leave my room without my heart pounding in my chest and my lungs fighting a little harder for breath. The sheer volume of my roommates' voices is enough to send me careening into a steady downward spiral. It's like my life is a video game and the boss music is on all the time but there's no danger in sight.
Most of the time, I get small anxiety attacks. They are happening multiple times a day. These small anxiety attacks don't look like a lot from the outside. I stop talking, my muscles tense, and I stare blankly at the floor as if I've simply spaced out. In my head, though, there's a steady blanket of mind-dulling, deafening white noise. It's like I'm trapped in my head and I can't get out. Though these can be caused by stress, worry, or overthinking, mine are more commonly caused by increased exposure to social situations.
A few times a week, though, I get panic attacks. My panic attacks are characterized by hyperventilating, uncontrollable shaking, crying, occasionally the absence of breathing, and, rarely, passing out. These are the debilitating ones, the ones that I can't postpone for more than an hour. These are the ones that send me darting back to my apartment to take shelter in a mound of blankets, the soft pillows muffling the sounds of my frantic gasps. Panic attacks aren't triggered by anything. They show up randomly like a really ugly, really irritating house guest who somehow got a copy of your key. They are the worst.
Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can go an entire day being around people and I'll barely feel any anxiety, and no panic attack will show up. Other days (these "other days" are becoming more and more common), even saying a word out loud, or being looked at in class will send me into an anxiety attack, as was the case a few days ago. I literally said "thank you" to my professor and that's all it took to knock me into a tailspin. "Other days" also feature random panic attacks.
Anxiety is really diverse and this is only my experience with it. Many people have anxiety to different degrees. It is a mental illness, which means those who have it will most likely deal with it for the rest of their life. It's important to continue finding coping methods in case of a panic or anxiety attack. I'll post some other time about my favorite coping methods.
Thanks to you who actually read this (which, to be honest, I'm guessing is a solid 0).
For the past three or four weeks, I haven't been able to leave my room without my heart pounding in my chest and my lungs fighting a little harder for breath. The sheer volume of my roommates' voices is enough to send me careening into a steady downward spiral. It's like my life is a video game and the boss music is on all the time but there's no danger in sight.
Most of the time, I get small anxiety attacks. They are happening multiple times a day. These small anxiety attacks don't look like a lot from the outside. I stop talking, my muscles tense, and I stare blankly at the floor as if I've simply spaced out. In my head, though, there's a steady blanket of mind-dulling, deafening white noise. It's like I'm trapped in my head and I can't get out. Though these can be caused by stress, worry, or overthinking, mine are more commonly caused by increased exposure to social situations.
A few times a week, though, I get panic attacks. My panic attacks are characterized by hyperventilating, uncontrollable shaking, crying, occasionally the absence of breathing, and, rarely, passing out. These are the debilitating ones, the ones that I can't postpone for more than an hour. These are the ones that send me darting back to my apartment to take shelter in a mound of blankets, the soft pillows muffling the sounds of my frantic gasps. Panic attacks aren't triggered by anything. They show up randomly like a really ugly, really irritating house guest who somehow got a copy of your key. They are the worst.
Some days are better than others. Sometimes I can go an entire day being around people and I'll barely feel any anxiety, and no panic attack will show up. Other days (these "other days" are becoming more and more common), even saying a word out loud, or being looked at in class will send me into an anxiety attack, as was the case a few days ago. I literally said "thank you" to my professor and that's all it took to knock me into a tailspin. "Other days" also feature random panic attacks.
Anxiety is really diverse and this is only my experience with it. Many people have anxiety to different degrees. It is a mental illness, which means those who have it will most likely deal with it for the rest of their life. It's important to continue finding coping methods in case of a panic or anxiety attack. I'll post some other time about my favorite coping methods.
Thanks to you who actually read this (which, to be honest, I'm guessing is a solid 0).
Thursday, October 5, 2017
History Class
History is interesting, I suppose. It's mostly an introductory course, which is, as my professor says, "ten thousand miles wide and six inches deep." To correctly portray how fast this class goes, I'll offer an example: we covered the entire American Civil war in five minutes. It's interesting, to say the least. It isn't my favorite class, but it's pretty okay.
I've got a midterm tomorrow, so I'm going to cut this post short and head to bed.
I've got a midterm tomorrow, so I'm going to cut this post short and head to bed.
Monday, October 2, 2017
My Favorite Class: Introduction to Dinosaurs
I mean let's be completely honest here. If there's a class titled "Introduction to Dinosaurs," it's nearly impossible to resist, especially when it counts for a science general.
For the past month and a half I've taken it, we've learned mostly about geology. We'd learn about different kinds of rocks, the rock cycle (which I admit I totally forgot existed due to the fact that I haven't actually learned any geology since middle school). At the end of each lesson, Dr. Harris (my professor) would dedicate a few slides to the question "What does this have to do with dinosaurs?"
As of this past week, we've finally graduated from geology and we're now studying the anatomy of dinosaurs. Super cool, right?? I have to say, as painful as Anatomy and Physiology was last year in high school, it's helping me a ton with this particular unit. Although dinosaurs have about 5 more bones than we do in their skull alone, many of the names of the bones are the same. Also, did you know that dinosaurs have ribs in their neck??? Well now you do.
Intro to Dinosaurs is my favorite class, but it's also the class I have the worst grade in. I've found a similar pattern throughout my life: the class I'm usually struggling in is the class I love the most.
Maybe after today I'll start posting random facts I learn about dinosaurs in my class.
For the past month and a half I've taken it, we've learned mostly about geology. We'd learn about different kinds of rocks, the rock cycle (which I admit I totally forgot existed due to the fact that I haven't actually learned any geology since middle school). At the end of each lesson, Dr. Harris (my professor) would dedicate a few slides to the question "What does this have to do with dinosaurs?"
As of this past week, we've finally graduated from geology and we're now studying the anatomy of dinosaurs. Super cool, right?? I have to say, as painful as Anatomy and Physiology was last year in high school, it's helping me a ton with this particular unit. Although dinosaurs have about 5 more bones than we do in their skull alone, many of the names of the bones are the same. Also, did you know that dinosaurs have ribs in their neck??? Well now you do.
Intro to Dinosaurs is my favorite class, but it's also the class I have the worst grade in. I've found a similar pattern throughout my life: the class I'm usually struggling in is the class I love the most.
Maybe after today I'll start posting random facts I learn about dinosaurs in my class.
Thursday, September 21, 2017
Updates on College
Hey! It's been... a long time. Nearly a year. I figured I might as well get back into this so I have some sort of outlet to talk about what's been going on. There are a few updates in my life that are fairly important to mention.
I'm in college now. Dixie State University, home of the Trailblazers. It's a nice little place. Campus is small, maybe three or four blocks in total. It's SO hot here. It's in St George, in southern Utah, so although it's fall back in Orem, we're still in 90 degree weather, though it has been cooling down ever so slowly. It's taking me a while to adjust. Motivation levels are down, energy levels are down, socialization levels are nearly nonexistent, but that's okay. I'm getting better, little by little, every day. I'll talk about my classes some other time.
I'm 19. I turned 19 two weeks ago. It's a little odd to think that I'm in my last year of being a teenager, but I guess that's life for you. Even that thought has given me some motivation to get started doing some things. I'm almost in my twenties, and if I want to live my twenties how I want, I have to start making some changes now.
Since I go to college, I moved down to St George. My apartment is small, but I like it. We have brick and cinder block walls, appliances that haven't quite left the 90s yet, and cockroaches galore. So. Many. Cockroaches. I share the apartment with three other girls: Sarah, Ceci, and Josie. It's been a lot to adjust to, but I think I'm doing pretty well so far.
I'll try to update more now. I think the extent of my readership will be my parents and maybe my best friend if he has time, but that's okay. Those are the important people.
Novel word count: 11,681
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